Claymation.

People we meet, even if we no longer know them. In-fact the very heart break or arguments that lead to parting ways, can alter us forever in itself. I've lost access to someone once very important to me before, and that was the start of a walk along a desolate depressing stretch of crumbling asphalt. I talk about this person in several capacities often, not because I miss them (anymore, I once did greatly, clearly.) but cause of the lasting impacts. The friendship during its run, changed me. And when it got canned, suddenly, it was devastating. I did not depart that journey the same man I was when I boarded it, nor even the same man during it's duration.

You have to understand, so let me help you. As an autistic social drop out with the human life skills of a russet potato, this friendship was life changing in a multitude of ways. I'd never had a friend so close before, previously all my mates were miles away as was my school. This meant I could only socialise in an educational setting, not ideal nor freeing. This guy? he wasn't next door sure, but not the fifteen miles away to school either, he was about five. So, reasonable enough.

We'd wandered all over his town. Made memories across the digital and dirt plain alike. I have YouTube videos, properly edited with comedic sound effects fitting of their era. I can not stress enough how much this time shaped me. The independence, the ventures, friendship, my first steps into adulthood. I turned eighteen with this friend. Now? Now the name that was once a benevolent bestie, became a malevolent man shrouded in mystery. 

When I got the soul crushing ground breaking earth quaking clarification that all ties had been cut- I became bed ridden for a week, barely eating. Even my dad noticed I was eating maybe half a meal with a deep sign for dinner, some photosynthesis through the window for pudding. That was it, it floored me. obviously I just said I must be ill rather than being honest. To top it off, the majority of this friendship took place during COVID times so I couldn't really hang out with anyone to feel better. 

I couldn't drive, no one was local, all I had was what I had before it. The internet to get by. Sure I had new skills in life but no longer that the means to put them to practice. It made me feel betrayed and stunted. However, to anyone going through this shattering circumstance I must offer a few words of wisdom. We aren't short of people. It's going to sting, when you lose someone that close through whatever means and whatever reason- it hurts. No one can make that go away overnight, you need to process this. You'll find it easier than I did if you have more friends. But at the time this was my best friend who knew EVERYTHING about me, and I mean everything. Stuff you don't typically talk about round the family table while grazing grains. This 'friend' made his choice. Oh well. I have since made many more friends and built a flourishing social life. You served your purpose though dude, like it or not I couldn't have what I have now without you being here at one point. You'll always be a part of me now, try as you might, that's just an irrefutable fact.

Over time we become an amalgamation of bits and pieces of the people, places and phases we collect along the way. I'm not quite sure what kind of sculpture I'm forming into as the years yearn on, but we'll see. We'll see.